Akatsuki - DFME: Chapter 1

Days are Fleeting, but Memories are Everlasting

Chapter One: Cheerio Fiasco

"Ok, who's stupid idea was it to leave cereal on the floor?!" Hidan's voice boomed. The silver-haired priest stood in the middle of the Akatsuki's hideout kitchen, surrounded for a good two feet by Cheerios.
A small head popped around the door, looking at the mess. Her purple eyes looked at the man apologetically. "I'm really sorry! I didn't mean to leave it. I'll clean it up right away!"
As the small girl rushed in, another girl, only a couple years older with green hair, followed her in. A grin was plastered on her face as she walked around the circle of food.
"Wow, I didn't know Jashin let you sacrifice cereal now."
"Oh, you think you're so funny, Aina..." Hidan growled. "Maybe you should help Captain Clumsy over there in cleaning this up! And you!" His attention turned to the smaller girl. "How could you leave this?! It's just ridiculous to think you'd leave this big of a mess! And how do you make a cereal lake anyway?!"
"Hidan," a calm female voice interjected. Konan, the leader's right hand woman, walked into the kitchen. "Must you be so hard on her? It's 6:30 in the morning." She ran her hand through her unkept blue hair, like she was emphasising how early it was.
"So what?" he glared, snapping. "I'M STUCK IN THE MIDDLE OF A FREAKING OCEAN OF CHEERIOS!"
"I'm sorry!" the pale-haired girl said again, her purple-blue eyes glossing over. "I was looking for a broom and dustpan, and couldn't find one! I'll get it right away though!" As she said this, she ran out of the room to go search more.
"Emi, the broom and dustpan is in the closet," Konan called back and returned her calm gaze at the religious freak-of-nature, named Hidan.
"Please calm yourself," she said again. "It was an accident."
"Pfft, accident my butt," he grumbled begrudgingly to himself. Aina giggled to herself.
"Silly Hidan," she smiled in amusement, "you're such a pika."
"Shut up, Aina," he grumbled, wondering what the heck a pika was. "I'd sacrifice you to Jashin if your partner would let me, that pain in the butt... What's a pika anyway?"
"A rodent. Probably more adorable than you."
"And more intelligent," a new voice entered the room. The blond bomber of the Akatsuki, Deidara, stood next to Aina. "...Not that that'd be hard to do, un."
"Ouch!" Hidan jokingly grabbed at his heart. "I'm just not feeling the love today! Did I miss the 'insult Hidan' memo?"
Konan rolled her eyes. "No, you just leave yourself too open."
"What the heck?! I didn't even make this mess, and I'm the one who gets yelled at!"
Hidan, Aina, Konan, and Deidara continued to bicker. Meanwhile, upon Emi's return, she noticed the milk carton on the counter. 'It's probably getting warm; suppose I should put it in the fridge now.' She picked up the carton and headed for the fridge.
"What do you propose I do, have Kakuzu sew my mouth shut?!" the silver-haired priest shouted.
Sasori, the red-head puppeteer, entered the kitchen, a look of irritation spread across his features. "It'd do everyone a favor if you did so. Poor Emi doesn't need to be yelled at so harshly."
Emi froze. 'Was Sasori just... defending me?' She felt a massive blush cover her cheeks as she leaned forward.
Her balance failed her, and the purple-haired ninja was heading for the floor. The carton of milk slipped out of her hands.
Before he knew what was happening, Hidan found himself face-planting with the milk carton. The carton broke, sending milk in every direction... including him entirely.
Konan, Aina, and Deidara gasped while Sasori let a grin plaster his face. Hidan let out an animalistic growl, much like a lion.
"Ok, that's IT! I'm DONE with this stupid place! I'm done with that stupid, worthless girl..."
Sasori's cable was wrapped around Hidan's neck in an instant. His red hair fell in front of his face, leaving an ominous shadow. His grin was gone, replaced with the most chilling grimace.
"You will not, I repeat, will NOT insult Emi."
The Jashinist's eyes were wide with horror. Wow, did he ever underestimate the short temper the puppeteer had.
"Whoaaa," Deidara whistled to himself, obviously amused. "Go Danna, un!" Aina smiled to herself, letting a chuckle escape her lips. Though, Sasori seemed unphased by these comments and reactions. He was too busy staring Hidan down venomously.
"Why, you little turd," Hidan's face twisted into a deeper frown. "How about you let me go?!"
"Apologize to Emi first," Sasori said calmly, darkly.
"Like heck I will!"
"Do it."
"Screw you!"
As the two bickered, Konan sighed and helped Emi up. "You know, Sasori, I'm sure you feel like a tough man, defending Emi and all, but don't you think you should have at least shown some more chivalry by helping her up?"
Emi blushed a deep red. "N-no, Konan, it's ok. I'm fine..." she said with a tiny voice.
"I'm busy taking care of the fool here," Sasori looked back at the two thoughtfully, his death grip of a cord still around Hidan's neck. Hidan tried to move, to loosen the cable, but it was completely stable. "But you're right," Sasori added after glancing at the lavender-haired girl, "I should have tended to her first."
Emi blushed even more. Was Sasori, her partner, her senior, really saying those words? It didn't make any sense to her...
"Can you let me go now?!" Hidan shouted with an irritated tone.
The shadows then enveloped the rest of Sasori's face, save it be his cheek bones and eyes. His eyes were more terrifying than Jashin himself. (Author's note: Not that we know, or anything...)
"But Hidan," he said darkly, "I could take you back to my room and give you pain... all... day... long..."
Hidan's eyes quickly slammed shut, grabbing the rosary around his neck. "O Almighty Jashin, I pray to you to spare my life from this calamity. I know not how much this mortal body... Oh, wait, I'm immortal, what am I doing?! Come on! Bring it, Puppet Boy!" Hidan shouted, his tone quite cocky.
Sasori then let out a snarl.
"You asked for it."
The metallic sound of Sasori's cable, along with the tearing of Hidan's neck filled the room for a brief instant before Hidan's head thudded to the floor. A gasp from Emi escaped her mouth as she looked away, while Konan was unphased, being used to such crazy antics. Deidara and Aina, on the other hand, cheered on their red-headed friend quite obnoxiously.
"Oh great, this is just fantastic. I didn't think you were seriously gonna do it!" Hidan belted at the top of his lungs. (Author's note: FYI, Hidan's not quite attached to his body or lungs at the moment...)
Suddenly, a soft thud was heard as Emi passed out on to the floor, no thanks to the scent or the sight of the blood from Hidan's decapitated head.
"Great, and I'm supposed to rely on her to be a medical ninja," Hidan rolled his eyes in sarcasm.
Sasori's head snapped over to the direction of the unconscious Emi before quickly rushing over to her side, picking her up in his arms.
Letting out a small sigh of relief before picking her up bridal style, he proceeded to exit the kitchen without another word to anyone.
"Oh, sure! Just abandon the decapitated guy for your girlfriend, Sasori! Really nice..."
The red-head stopped dead in his tracks. His head turned to face completely behind him, one of the many benefits of being a puppet himself.
"She's not my girlfriend," he spoke straight-faced, before turning his head around and continuing to his room with Emi.
A silence was left in the room for a moment before Deidara spoke up. "You know what? I don't think Danna's doing a good job of hiding anything, un!"
Aina gave out a sigh. "It'll be a long time before either of them admit it. Gosh, they're so dense."
Konan listened in, knowing fully well of what was going on. "Well, let's just let them have time to figure things out. Come on, Pein-sama has a mission for you two."
"Alright," the two said together and followed Konan out of the room, leaving Hidan behind.
"Wait, wai, wai, wai, wai, wait, hold on a moment!" Hidan cried. "You guys aren't seriously gonna leave me here, are you?! Come on, come on! Help me out here, guys!" There was a slight pause while Hidan waited for a response that never came. "Oh, great. You guys are now giving me the silent treatment. Thank you. Thank you sooo much. This is just great and peachy!"
"What are you blabbing about now?" Kakuzu exclaimed as he entered the kitchen, rubbing his temples.
"Kakuzu? Kakuzu?! Buddy ol' pal?! Are you here to save me?!"
"Hidan, why can you never pick a convenient place to get decapitated?" Kakuzu questioned.
"Well, Kakuzu, if I had known that Sasori was seriously gonna do it, I wouldn't have provoked him," Hidan retorted with a sigh. "Now, are you gonna help me?"
"You know, Hidan," Kakuzu stroked his chin, "did you know that blood and milk mix into a fantastic shade of red?"
"Could you have picked any worse of a time to be ADD?"
"Could you have picked any worse of a time to get decapitated?"
Hidan was baffled, left without a retort.
"You know, now I've got a hankering for Cheerios."
The Jashinist let out a small sigh. "You are a sick, sick puppy, Kakuzu."
"It's taken you this long to realize that?" the miser mused.
"It's only taken me this long to voice it, Kakuzu," he implied.
The masked man's green eyes widened as he got a deviously twisted idea.
"I think I'm going to join you on the floor, Hidan." He seemed to smile behind his mask. "Just so you can watch me eat really, really close."
"You sadistic monster, you..."
"And proud of it." Kakuzu then proceeded to sit next to Hidan's head, taking the first delicious bite of his cereal. "Mmm, this is so delicious, you have no idea what you're missing. The balance between the honey and the wheat is perfect~"
"Jashin, curse all of you!" Hidan raised his voice with a snarl. "Was I seriously the only person who didn't get the memo?!"
"There was a memo?" Kakuzu asked legitimately.
"Ugh, this is awesome. Just awesome!"
All of a sudden, the door creaked open, revealing the raven-haired ninja, Uchiha Itachi, as he started to walk through the kitchen. He noticed the beheaded Hidan and cereal killing Kakuzu.
"Dude, I'm not even sure I want to ask what went wrong in here," Itachi made a face and walked out the door slowly. "I'd make sure that gets cleaned up before Pein-sama comes in, if I were you two."
Kakuzu scanned the room and shrugged his shoulders before continuing to eat his breakfast. And boy, was it good!